Vibes United, Hearts Connected: What Defines ‘Chemistry’ in Relationships?

With Valentines Day just around the corner, there are talks of “Hearts Connected” at work during hallway conversations… talks of what we are doing on the 14th …. and all that…it is expected right?! Anyhow, so, today while chatting with a much younger co-worker, the topic of her recent “date” came up, and she mentioned how there was absolutely no chemistry or vibes between them. It got me pondering: what exactly constitutes chemistry or vibes? If we were to use today’s trendy language, vibing or chemistry is like when sparks fly between two people, when they’re drawn to each other like magnets, or when you feel like you’re on cloud nine. But putting the jokes aside, in all seriousness, I think many of us, especially when we’re younger, tend to have a somewhat narrow perspective on how we gel with our significant other. However, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to realize that the chemistry between partners is much more profound—it’s about forming a deep connection. If someone possesses these qualities or exhibits these behaviors below, then I’d say the vibe is truly vibing!!!

Someone who:

Shares same life ethics and values as you on your non-negotiable subjects; they could be parenting, loyalty, profession, friendships, health, finance – anything that you have strong views on

Has good emotional regulation in most of the situations; no one is perfect, but you don’t want to be with someone who cannot handle their emotions

Is self-aware of themselves; their strengths and weakness, of how they behave or react. It comes from self-observation. They know they are not perfect and accept themselves

Is kind to everyone, especially to people who are of no use to them; people who are not on the same level, kind to people who do not bring anything on the table for them

Has an open mind in most situations, especially when it comes to judging others; they are willing to hear you out without any prejudice

Treats you with respect, no matter how angry they get. No matter how ‘you have hurt them’ – they never put you in a situation or place where your respect is compromised

Is willing and able to admit when they are wrong and act on their admittance and show it in actions

Is consistent and reliable in their actions and always follow through; empty words have no meanings

Makes you feel safe, physically, and emotionally in every situation. No matter how bad things get, you should never be in a place in your relationship where you feel ‘unsafe’

Expresses their feelings – wants and needs without any shame, shyness or feeling that it makes them look “silly” or “vulnerable” – expressing feelings is # 1 sign of feeling safe

Accepts you as you are and really sees you for what you are – whole heartedly without any judgement. When they do that, you feel safe to be you and that gives you a sense of security

Is attracted to who you are, not just how you look or the way they make you look or feel publicly; so many times, our partners want us to look a certain way so that others can “be jealous of them